i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
zippers are such a cool invention
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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