That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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