no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
