He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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