I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
