is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
