bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
