He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
