Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love accidental penises.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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