He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
