I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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