well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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