I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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