On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize