OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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