i used baking grease as lip gloss
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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