it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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