i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
