If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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