I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize