I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I forget how to act sober
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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