I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
