Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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