For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
