He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
