so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
