I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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