oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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