She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
