in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
