Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
