How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize