My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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