I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
