So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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