I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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