Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize