My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
