I skipped work to stalk him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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