I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize