I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
