just tell him i said nine months
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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