That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
