I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I touched a dick in church today
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