Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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