Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
