Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
