someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
