when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
