fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
