Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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