She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
