I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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