Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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