4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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