Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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