If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
