Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
