and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
