i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
