Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize