we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
