Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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