Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
