just tell him i said nine months
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
