pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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