You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize