No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize