they need to just BURY HIM!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
