**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
