SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
