dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize