I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize