Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
