I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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