i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
