I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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