I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone stole a lamp last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
