Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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