I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
