Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
