the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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