five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
