Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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