if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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