you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
