I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
