You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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