so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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