I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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