If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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