People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
