I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
