Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
