I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
