just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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