At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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