Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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