your room smells of hookers.
And success
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
