I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
