why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
