Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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