i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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