So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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