You really coming over, don't trick.
Jerry, you need to find god
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
