I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
