Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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