masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
