So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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