Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
