Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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